Hello everyone..
Its been a while ago I didnt write any post. The reason why is I am enjoying my life which I now I am married and have 2 beautiful daughters. 👶👶
Today I am gonna talk about my Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder which currently I am having this in my life and the impact is soooo big. Why it is big?
First of all, let me tell how did I get this disease from. When i was 15 years old, I am in abusive relationship where I got super duper jealousy boyfriend E where he always control me and hit me like nobody business. The scene started when he heard rumours about me and one of my male friend go dating and cheated on him. At first he ask me nicely, did I go out with XXXX, I answer to him "Yes, I did". Then he asked me another question, are guys making out? I said "hell NO! Are you crazy? We went out because he wants to meet me and ask about my friend, Maisarah". Furthermore we met at public place, padang bola. I think because we both meet in public la people sees us and informed him. So my boyfriend E replied "OK". I am so happy that he trust me.
One day, my bf E said wanna meet me. So he fetch me with a motorcycle, bring me to a "rumah buruk" where once arrive, I still have positively in my mind that maybe this is his friends house. So he said go inside. I went inside, it was empty house. After I go inside, he locked all the door. And I still have no bad thought. So he started asking me with a nice voice, "Did you make out with XXXX"? I replied nicely, NO I DONT. SWEAR TO GOD. He started to raised his voice "WHY YOU LYING TO ME?!!" And the question is repeatedly over and over again. The situation became so stress and he started to hit me with his hand straight to my face. He slap me super hard. I was soooo frightened and scared. He keep asking with that stupid question and hit me like hell and hoping me to say -yes I did make out with XXXX. Why should I admit things that I didnt do? I am so scared. I cry and shout like hell but nobody heard my voice. Until at one point, my friends realised that I am missing, so she and the rest try to find me. Lucky she saw my bf E motorcycle park in front of the "rumah buruk". My friends and her bf and other friends knock the door and call E ask to stop and open the door, but he seems like crazy and dont care. I shout and cry like hell. Until he feels satisfied punching, slapping me he open the door and he released me. He didn't have empathy at all.
It was the bad experience ever in my life for the first time. I decided to end the relationship. In the next day he call me and say sorry. I try to ignore him for one day, the next day I started to missed him. Such a crazy me. We are back together.
And this scene of hitting me is happened to me so many times. We breakup, we makeup on the next day. This thing is repeatedly happened over 3 years. Over 3 years the questions is repeatedly ask by that crazy E. And he hit me like crazy.
Physical abuse is a new norm to me. I get used to it. When SPM over, my mom decided to send me to the college. This is the only way that I can break up with him. I am so relieved that he is far away from me. He is abusive and always thought that I am his belongings. What the heck?? When I am in college, I found new bf. I become like my exbf E, I am so abusive and jealousy. I keep asking my new bf A where is his whereabouts. Why he is not picking up my call after 5 minutes we end the call? Why this why that. Bf A is smart and try to avoid me because how psychotic I can be. He sees values in himself. That is why he leave me. What a good move. Good job Bf A
It happened again to another bf and it keep repeating. All my bf are running away from me. AZ, SH, WK J and many more. This psychotic character is slowly ends when I started my job at YTLComms. I have new positive friends and my pscho bf E is gone forever. During my time in YTL, I found my husband there. Married with no kids. Now he was my ex husband. See?
All my relationship doesn't work. I am stuck in my own world. Whenever I am in bad times, I sometime will try to find my exbf E and talk to him. I remember I managed to find him and call him. I told him about my divorcee. And can you believe that the first word come out from his mouth is "Dah bercerai, susah la lepas ni hidup ain". I was like OMG he still so negative telling me that my world end because of the divorce. That time I decided that no more toxic people like him in my life. So I totally move on.
See the struggle is so real?
The next chapter I will tell about why Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder impact is so big to our life.
Stay tuned.
Have a happy and beautiful heart. Muaahhhh
Its been a while ago I didnt write any post. The reason why is I am enjoying my life which I now I am married and have 2 beautiful daughters. 👶👶
Today I am gonna talk about my Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder which currently I am having this in my life and the impact is soooo big. Why it is big?
First of all, let me tell how did I get this disease from. When i was 15 years old, I am in abusive relationship where I got super duper jealousy boyfriend E where he always control me and hit me like nobody business. The scene started when he heard rumours about me and one of my male friend go dating and cheated on him. At first he ask me nicely, did I go out with XXXX, I answer to him "Yes, I did". Then he asked me another question, are guys making out? I said "hell NO! Are you crazy? We went out because he wants to meet me and ask about my friend, Maisarah". Furthermore we met at public place, padang bola. I think because we both meet in public la people sees us and informed him. So my boyfriend E replied "OK". I am so happy that he trust me.
One day, my bf E said wanna meet me. So he fetch me with a motorcycle, bring me to a "rumah buruk" where once arrive, I still have positively in my mind that maybe this is his friends house. So he said go inside. I went inside, it was empty house. After I go inside, he locked all the door. And I still have no bad thought. So he started asking me with a nice voice, "Did you make out with XXXX"? I replied nicely, NO I DONT. SWEAR TO GOD. He started to raised his voice "WHY YOU LYING TO ME?!!" And the question is repeatedly over and over again. The situation became so stress and he started to hit me with his hand straight to my face. He slap me super hard. I was soooo frightened and scared. He keep asking with that stupid question and hit me like hell and hoping me to say -yes I did make out with XXXX. Why should I admit things that I didnt do? I am so scared. I cry and shout like hell but nobody heard my voice. Until at one point, my friends realised that I am missing, so she and the rest try to find me. Lucky she saw my bf E motorcycle park in front of the "rumah buruk". My friends and her bf and other friends knock the door and call E ask to stop and open the door, but he seems like crazy and dont care. I shout and cry like hell. Until he feels satisfied punching, slapping me he open the door and he released me. He didn't have empathy at all.
It was the bad experience ever in my life for the first time. I decided to end the relationship. In the next day he call me and say sorry. I try to ignore him for one day, the next day I started to missed him. Such a crazy me. We are back together.
And this scene of hitting me is happened to me so many times. We breakup, we makeup on the next day. This thing is repeatedly happened over 3 years. Over 3 years the questions is repeatedly ask by that crazy E. And he hit me like crazy.
Physical abuse is a new norm to me. I get used to it. When SPM over, my mom decided to send me to the college. This is the only way that I can break up with him. I am so relieved that he is far away from me. He is abusive and always thought that I am his belongings. What the heck?? When I am in college, I found new bf. I become like my exbf E, I am so abusive and jealousy. I keep asking my new bf A where is his whereabouts. Why he is not picking up my call after 5 minutes we end the call? Why this why that. Bf A is smart and try to avoid me because how psychotic I can be. He sees values in himself. That is why he leave me. What a good move. Good job Bf A
It happened again to another bf and it keep repeating. All my bf are running away from me. AZ, SH, WK J and many more. This psychotic character is slowly ends when I started my job at YTLComms. I have new positive friends and my pscho bf E is gone forever. During my time in YTL, I found my husband there. Married with no kids. Now he was my ex husband. See?
All my relationship doesn't work. I am stuck in my own world. Whenever I am in bad times, I sometime will try to find my exbf E and talk to him. I remember I managed to find him and call him. I told him about my divorcee. And can you believe that the first word come out from his mouth is "Dah bercerai, susah la lepas ni hidup ain". I was like OMG he still so negative telling me that my world end because of the divorce. That time I decided that no more toxic people like him in my life. So I totally move on.
See the struggle is so real?
The next chapter I will tell about why Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder impact is so big to our life.
Stay tuned.
Have a happy and beautiful heart. Muaahhhh
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